So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
