i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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