adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
