My first STD was from a foam party
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
