DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
