I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
