happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
