there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
