She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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