I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
