Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
