I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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