you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pooping to opera.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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