i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize