Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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