So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
