The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
