My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
