I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
