i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize