Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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