I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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