and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize