Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
