Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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