I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
