i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
