Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
