No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
