I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
