And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
