yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
