He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
