You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
