Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
