I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
