so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pants are for mortals
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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