I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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