Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
