I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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