Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
