He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
