If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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