So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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