Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
