in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
