I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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