Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
