Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
