How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize