When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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