If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
how drunk are you?
Several
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
