Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize