Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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