You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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