I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
