she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize