He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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