When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
