Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Alive.
So much puke
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
