There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
