Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
