So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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