This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
