What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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