that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
